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Perfection.
  • Dr. Hilbert: Alright. On a scale of one to ten, what would you consider the likelihood you might be assassinated?
  • Harold: Assassinated?
  • Dr. Hilbert: One being very unlikely. Ten being expecting it around every corner.
  • Harold: I have no idea.
  • Dr. Hilbert: OK, let me rephrase. Are you the king of anything?
  • Harold: Like what?
  • Dr. Hilbert: Anything. King of the Lanes at the local bowling alley.
  • Harold: King of the Lanes?
  • Dr. Hilbert: King of the Lanes, King of the Trolls,
  • Harold: King of the Trolls?
  • Dr. Hilbert: Yes. A clandestine land found underneath your floor boards.?
  • Harold: No.
  • Dr. Hilbert: Huh?
  • Harold: No. That's ridiculous.
  • Dr. Hilbert: Agreed. Let's start with ridiculous and move backwards. Now, was any part of you at one time part of something else?
  • Harold: Like, do I have someone else's arms?
  • Dr. Hilbert: Well. is it possible at one time that you were made of stone, wood, lye, varied corpse parts? Or earth made holy by rabbinical elders?
  • Harold: No. Look, look. I'm sorry, but what do these questions have to do with anything?
  • Dr. Hilbert: Nothing. The only way to find out what story you're in is to determine what stories you're not in. Odd as it may seem, I've just ruled out half of Greek literature, seven fairy tales, ten Chinese fables, and determined conclusively that you are not King Hamlet, Scout Finch, Miss Marple, Frankenstein's monster, or a golem. Aren't you relieved to know you're not a golem?
  • Harold: Yes. I am relieved to know that I am not a golem.
  • Dr. Hilbert: Good. Do you have magical powers?
Via awkward silence [bottled at the source]
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